Truth

I have just spent about the last three-and-a-half hours talking with two people and in this time, I have learned more about these two than I have this entire time here at the U. It's really interesting to see how people react in a situation given their past. It's also interesting to see how you can characterize people based on how they react and the masks they wear. A happy mask over a saddened face... this reminds me too much of Chris M from high school. He always had on a cheerful face whether he was happy or not. I'm encountering it here in other forms, and I'm finding myself want to do the same. Do people really know people? I mean, when you look at someone, are you really looking and seeing how they feel? Or is someone tells you, do you really know if they are telling the truth? Only the person themselves can truly know, and even then they can be confused. In these past three-and-a-half hours, I've heard a great many things. For both of these people, I've seen a glance of sides that I haven't seen before. Then of course, the next question that can follow: do people truly know me? Am I putting on this mask? It's extremely hard to know someone when the main topics you discuss with them are class, mutual friends, and the weather. You know, to actually get to know someone. So, you know what I'm going to do? I've wanted to do this for a day or two now. Here are ten things about me that you may not pick up when just discussing classes or my work schedule. In fact, I don't really tell people these things; these are more so things that people just pick up on or they don't.

--I don't like when people swear. Rare, extremely bad cases can be exceptions, but for the most part, I just don't like when people swear.

--I don't like when people make fun of Native Americans. Okay, this may sound like a random fact, but when you live in Bemidji, which is so close to the reservations, it's not something to poke fun at. I mean, when your dad is one of the first people to hear about the Red Lake shooting because he has to know when roads are closed down, don't you think that's getting a little close to home?

--I don't like when I see a group of people and the guys are making fun of the girls there (ie playing keep away with her posessions, making crude jokes, etc). I mean, get a frickin' clue guys. Wake up and smell the love for all humanity.

--People who randomly say hi to me can brighten up my day. This especially works when it's someone I've met only a time or two before and they will pick me out saying hi. This also works for people I haven't seen in a long time.

--I have had thoughts of giving up on life and throwing the towel in. Fortunately, nothing has come of these thoughts, because in all it's worth, a life is a terrible thing to throw away, especially when it's still ripening.

--In my opinion, people should apologize about a quarter as often as what they actually do. For example, if they say a blunt and upsetting answer to a question that I asked, they shouldn't apologize because I asked the question, so I wanted to know the answer regardless.

--I can be introverted and standoff-ish when it comes to contact. I'm not just talking about relationship-type contact. I'm talking about all types of contact, from handshakes to hugs. Basically, consider yourself in a good friendship position if I randomly poke you, punch you, or tap you as I'm walking by.

--If nothing else matters in my life, faith is what keeps me alive. If I had to empty my pockets and give up everything lest one item, it would be my rosary.

--No matter what people say, I am still self-conscious about my looks/appearance, my intelligence, my musical abilities, etc. I don't want to boast, so I drive my own self-perception into the ground like a great stone.

--I would rather live in a displeasing truth than wallow in indecisiveness.

I hope you just learned something there, something you never knew. I guess right now, I feel like sleeping, screaming, curling up into a little ball, doing homework, or going ballastic on the building. Oh, and running away too. Based on the time, and what I can expect tomorrow (and how I feel right now), sleep is the ultimate winner. If people are confused, just talk. I don't care how; I mean, it doesn't seem like anyone reads this blog anyway. If you really care and you want to know, just talk to me. I won't lie to answer a question, but it all depends on the question you ask.

God be with you.

-Matt