the days fly by too quickly...

Hello everyone,

It's hard to believe that it's already late July... it's seems like I've only been here at camp for a few weeks, not a month and a half. I wish I had more time in the day to write people, but days just seem to fill up too quickly.

Right now, I have a break until a new batch of campers comes on Monday morning, and I decided to write a blog to try to get everyone back on the same page.

These past two weeks have been tough. Last week was probably one of the worst weeks of my life. I won't go into details, but camp just experienced difficulties throughout the entire week. All of the staff was at wit's end by the end of the week, and it was just bad.

During the weekend (last weekend), I took the bus down to Minneapolis to hang out with some college friends when I learned that my grandfather passed away Friday night. Apparently, he had been sick for the past 2 weeks or so, but this was news to my parents, Tess, and me. It was definitely a challenge hearing this after a mentally demanding week of camp. Fortunately, once I got to Minnehaha Park, I was with college friends for the whole weekend.

On Monday, I rode the bus back to camp, and it was nice to be back with a fresh start. All of the other counselors have been really supportive this week as well. Grandpa's service was last Wednesday, and since it was in Park Rapids, I stayed at camp rather than going. Some of my other cousins and I were listed as honorary pole bearers, and it was even a full military funeral (I think it'd either be the army or marines).

In terms of the camp, this week was one of the best yet. My cabin did get a little rowdy at night, but they were a blast overall. My drama group all had fun, and I'm sure all the dancers enjoyed themselves too. Over this past week, I've been thinking a lot about my family as well as some other stuff that happened last weekend in the Cities. There's a lot of stuff I wish I could just figure out so I wouldn't have to keep worrying about it... thank God for the weekend breaks.

So, where am I at right now? I don't know. The past two times camp has ended I've learned that someone I know has died. I have things on my mind I just want out. There are people that just... I don't know. I know I'm not supposed to judge. Even though this week was amazing, it was draining. Tonight the exhaustion and little aches caught up with me so I felt like a bump on a log while other people were having fun at the Hillcrest. Then again, I could go on another schpeal because of that, but I'm choosing not to do that.

I'm confused right now. It seems like there's too much to do when the kids aren't here. I feel bad for the people who have sent me letters when I haven't sent anything to them in a month and a half now. I feel like I need to be doing something productive every moment of the day, but at the same time, my body needs rest.

I need a break from death.

I need sleep.

I don't want to smell alcohol in the air.

I don't want to feel three inches tall amidst a group of middle school girls.

I don't want insults flying around in my head.

I don't want to have all my ideas immediately shot down.

I need more time.



Goodnight world.