If my computers could talk...

If my computers could talk, here would be the abridged version of the conversation my computers and I have had for the time I've been here in Missouri.

Me: Alright, I just moved my final boxes in. I should set up my computer so I can email people to tell them I'm alright. Maybe I could even watch a movie since Chris and Erik are staying the night. (insert some set-up time) And... aha!
Personal Desktop Computer (PC): It's good to be back! Hmm... a new environment, I could get used to this...
Me: Any chance I could get online?
PC: Sure! Here you go!
Me: Sweet! Didn't even have to log in.
*insert some time to go through some basic email business and let my friends Facebook and such*
Me: Okay, I should check my Northwest email since I haven't checked it for two days.
PC: Alright, here you go. *PLEH*
Me: ...
PC: What?
Me: What's this? This isn't very good.
PC: Hey, don't blame me. This is the web email browser that's provided.
Me: ... Okay, fine! ... Ugh, I can't even flag a message or mark one as unread!

*insert time to get my Northwest laptop and have some Microsoft Outlook training*

Me: Alright, let's try out this laptop I just got.
Laptop: Hey there! Let's do this! I am ready to *bing!* (the sound, not the search engine)
Me: Huh? Oh geez, your virus definitions are out of date. I should run a full virus scan...
*exactly 1min 20seconds later*
Laptop: DONE!
Me: Wow, that was fast. Now, let's get Firefox and get on Outlook.
Laptop: Searching for wireless Internet... ... ... Connected. Here you go.
Me: This is actually pretty cool. I should get this on my desktop. Hey, PC!
PC: Huh?
Me: Pull up Outlook! I want you to do something!
PC: Alright... UNABLE TO ESTABLISH CONNECTION WITH ENCRYPTED NETWORK!
Me: Hmm... let's log into the Northwest network and try again.
PC: UNABLE TO ESTABLISH CONNECTION WITH ENCRYPTED NETWORK!
Laptop: Ha ha! Outsider!
PC: Hey now!
Me: Calm down, let's get you registered into the network. *insert time to find pdf's and change settings and associate PC to the workgroup* And, now to register you... *click!*
PC: ..................................................................................No.
Me: What do you mean no!? Get me to that website!
PC: ..................................................................................Nope.
Me: Grrr... Okay, let's try the link on this one email.
PC: ................................................................................
Me: Yes?
PC: .........................................................................................
Me: Yes??
PC: No.
Me: GRRR!! Okay, maybe the office closed. Pull up Facebook.
PC: No.
Me: What?
PC: NO!
Me: Don't make me come in there!
PC: Still no.
Me: Okay, while you're pulling your cords out of your circuit board, I'll use Laptop. Laptop, pull up my email.
Laptop: Alright, just give me a second to recon-..... No.
Me: What do you mean no?
Laptop: I lost the wireless Internet. It's not here... well, I can feel it, but it's too weak.
Me: Fine! *pulls out PC's Ethernet cord and plugs Laptop in* Now do you work?
PC: Hey, what's going on? Everything's so... disconnected.
Laptop: Ha ha! Outsider!
Me: Just get to the point and connect me to the Internet.
Laptop: ... Okay, here you go.
Me: Alright. Pull up Outlook. I want to add some things to the calendar.
Laptop: Sure thing. Here's Outlook... and the calendar. Do you feel that!? It's the wireless network! It's strong again! I don't care about being plugged into the Ethernet wall plug-in. I love the wirless netwo---
Me: Laptop?
Laptop: ---
Me: PC?
PC: No.
Me: Well, frick.