that which we are, we are

Hello again,

How to sum up my life currently... part of me is thinking of "Over the Moon" from Rent, which such lines as "I gotta get out of here!" and "It's like I'm being [...] pushed over a cliff by a suicidal Mickey Mouse". Part of me feels that uniqueness that sets me apart from every person I interact with. On the other hand, part of me just feels old.

My life this past week has been MusiCamp and Paul Bunyan Playhouse. Every large portion of the day (basically, after 9:30 am until 11 pm, not counting alloted times for food) was either camp or PBP, 85% of the time. This was both fun and not fun... It was fun because I got to sing awesome music, see people, and then do theatre stuff... It wasn't fun because there were days I had to bolt back and forth between the two (which sucks with not having a car), and there were a good number of times I had two things going on at once. Then again, I lived through it, so I shouldn't be complaining...

When I wasn't at rehearsal (vocal, theatre or otherwise), I spent basically all my down time at Joe's, with the exception of sleeping. It was really nice because he lives really close to Bangsberg, he was able to drive places, we hadn't hung out in a while, and we were cool with just playing Battlefront II or watching people blow up things on TV. It's surprising how MusiCamp can throw two people into a situation and in the end, they are two good buds. With all honesty, Joe's one of my best friends from camp, and I've only known him since last year, as compared to Chris' 3 years, Nathan's 2 or 3, and the counselor's many years (although I've been with camp longer than basically everyone except for Dr. Logan--by only one year!--, Wayne Hoff, Ms Swanson, and Melinda). Plus, being at Joe's house was a nice way to get a little of that 'college living experience' back, because I've definitely been lacking this summer.

As for the actual theatre, I don't think it'd be fair to describe it in one phrase. Basically, the actors are fun and social (one gave me a random wall hanging owl from the Old Schoolhouse tonight as a gift ), and it's not like the work is tough... it's just that during the show, I flash my flashlight to cue people and my "help with a costume change" is to tie a guy's boot to cut some time from his costume change. It felt odd coming into the show knowing that the cast of three had worked together before without anybody else backstage, and that my job was basically to be there "just in case something happens". I guess it wouldn't have been so bad normally, but the shows were falling on night rehearsals and activities for MusiCamp, so there were nights I felt like I would be more productive at choir than at theatre. Then again, I'm glad I have this job (even though it's volunteer) with the theatre, and it's great to work with awesome talent.

As for the actual camp, it was quite good. I wish I could have spent more time with the campers, but on the other hand, I think my time as the leader of a group o'campers has passed. Whether I like it or not, the torch has been passed on. It was just really odd to only be at camp for the morning choir rehearsal, men's chorus, and then occassionly the bass sectional. I was there, but I wasn't at the same time. After the rehearsals, it kind of seemed like a lot of people didn't care I was back at camp because I wasn't at the activites, meals, and night life. I don't blame them--those things are a huge part of the camp experience. Also (for those of you who don't know much camp), I'm probably the first person during the camp's 59 years to be asked to come back as a choir member (not a counselor) when I'm not a BSU student. So in that sense, I'm off on my own, because I'm not a camper, but I don't have BSU stories to relive with others there. Of course, one of the reasons why I came back was the music, which was awesome. The men's choir was dubbed by Logan as one of the best mens groups he's seen at camp, and I will admit we were a good group. Also, the womens and mixed groups were also really good. I just hope a video can find its way to me...

As part of the staff and not a camper, I was invited to Dr. Logan's place after the concert for food and such, and let me tell you, it was quite fun. Basically, it was a time for Dr. Logan, Josh, Andy, Melinda, and other MusiCamp staff to come and talk about whatever and sound like idiots and not care... it was so enjoyable! One of the running themes was Seasme Street and how turning the Cookie Monster to the Vegetable Monster just made him lose his street cred. "C is for carrot...", I mean, what the heck is that all about? A carrot definitely doesn't have the ring that a cookie does. Anyway, it was quite fun, and I really wish I could get to know all those people more (especially the main people like Logan, Melinda, Andy, and Josh).

So, now you may be wondering, "now that MusiCamp is over, what are you to do now?"... Okay, you probably don't care either way, but I'd like to think that someone cares out there...

okay, take 2

So, now you may be wondering "what's in store now that MusiCamp is over?". Well, I'll tell you...
...PBP and FVEM... yep... back to theatre and film. Guys and Dolls rehearsals start tomorrow (Monday), and I'm going to feel a lot better after I know what part I am, musically. Also, I really need to finish up Uprising and Salvation and work on other stuff too... Other than theatre and film, I'm basically just trying to survive. Yes, survive, and it's not just the heat. I mean, I'm also trying to survive this summer so that I can move back to the Cities. As much as I love my parents, I just can't see myself realistically putting up with the bickering and snide sarcastic comments for long periods of time any more. This has been articulated the past week because I was under a higher level of stress than normal because of the combined effects of camp and PBP. I'm not going to go into details, and I apologize to everyone that I've been bitching this to. (before you say anything, yes I know that sentence ended in a preposition and no I don't care.) Basically, this could my last summer in Bemidji--simple as that.

Well, I've had you read enough as is. Part of this ranting is because I'm getting annoyed at things that are out of my control, but they still find a way to have control over my life (like the heat). Also, this summer has gone by so quickly and there were so many things I wanted to get done...

I hope everyone is finding a way to beat the heat. To college folk (especially Liz, Mike, Lauren, Jordan, Beth, David, Vanessa, Kyle, Missy, and C), this summer has been tough for me, after having an awesome freshman year at MBH and I really miss you guys. To Bemidji people, I'm sorry I've been busy with things, because there have been people I want to see and spend time with, but haven't been able to because of my schedule. To Bemidji people, college folk, and even the people that fall in between or in the "other" category, remember this: each one of you has affected my life in one way or another, and my life has been changed because of you, even if I only knew you at something as short as a speech meet. I'd like to hope that I can better the life of every person that I meet. Although I don't say it enough, I love my friends, especially the ones that are there to pick me up when I feel most alone. I thank God for each and every one of you. May you know the love that you have shown others.

~Matt